Somewhere right now, a husband is being asked a question he was not qualified to answer, and he is answering it anyway with total confidence.
Ladies and gentlemen, the marriage expert.
Every Household Has One
He has never read a book on the subject. He has attended no seminars. His qualifications consist entirely of having been married, which he considers more than sufficient.
And yet the advice keeps coming. Freely. Unprompted. Usually while a football match is on in the background.
The Greatest Hits Of The Marriage Expert
You will recognise every one of these, and if you do not, I have bad news about who the expert is in your house.
- "Happy wife, happy life." Delivered as though he invented it. He did not.
- "Just agree with her." Said with the gravity of a man passing down ancient wisdom.
- "You have to pick your battles." He has never once picked a battle successfully.
- "Yes dear." His entire vocabulary during any discussion about paint colours.
The Joke Is That He Is Sort Of Right
Here is the twist. The marriage expert is a walking cliche and he is also, annoyingly, correct about the important bits.
He does agree with her. He did pick his battles. He is still married, cheerfully, after a very long time. Which is more than a lot of people with proper qualifications can claim.
So the Marriage Expert ~ Husband Tee is not really mocking him. It is handing him a certificate he never earned and watching him wear it with enormous pride, which is exactly the joke.
How To Give This One
Anniversary. Father's day. Or any random Tuesday when he says something particularly expert and you want to make a point about it.
Give it to him in front of his wife. She will laugh harder than he does, and she will be laughing at something slightly different, and everybody wins.
A Word Of Warning
He will wear this shirt constantly. He will wear it to family gatherings and repeat his greatest hits while wearing it, because the shirt has now officially endorsed him.
You knew that when you bought it. Do not pretend otherwise.
Written by Jest 4U. Thanks for reading.